DID I TELL YOU I MISS YOU

 DID I TELL YOU I MISS YOU

I don't even know if it's appropriate to say I love you 

I know that I am intoxicated with the festival of you like silk woven tapestry

wrapping my immortality within its outline because it's only a being that needs a coat in the snow

and how I never trembled whenever you left because you 

you the home of my sun always topped me up as cosily as sugar and music

but this last time you're gone many lifetimes too long 

because you made my best life when your bosom was my pillow

and I lay on your skin like it was a hillside at sunset with air that skimmed the sea 

and now I wander, wondering why you've gone

If you can't find your way back

or if the tear I cried unto the palm of your left hand is drowning in the lifeline 

severed from it's ocean

so I was writing your name on my dog tag in a bottle because I don't know where I'm going

and the pen started rowing since we were born in another dimension and

I'm not even sure if I am me. 

My soul shared heartbeats as though my body was a tree and you were the air massaging my leaves with indigo 

so when they race in autumn winds to go with you it's because every part of me wants to be with you

and it's not so much remembering as I couldn't forget

Why would I

Why would sleep without a pillow

or carve the letters I etched on a tree

onto a gravestone and be alone

and as every sleep is as unpredictable as the last I know that my final exhale will carry your name in it's yolk

and continue into my birth scream when I am re-born

So when they ask me what I want grow up to be  I can honestly say ' your other half '

and tell children that there's more reward in standing in tescos with you discussing rich tea or digestive than running the world or being a celebrated physician

I want you back like a return ticket to youth

so the atoms of me listen to the super nature of your voice. 

Every tone and incantation rising and falling inside of me like waves under red moons

and when my skies are screaming 

and clouds rebounding  in pinball frenzy 

you still ease through like the dawn 

and my silhouette dances towards you

So I know you're there but just beyond 

You're the words in a picture

you're the silent hums

the warm smell of home cooking

and I see you in the chuckle of the earth before the burst of spring 

Your  laughter escorts every rainbow I've ever seen

And I'm not sure wether it's appropriate to say I want you

or I need you

but you said that you would never leave me

and I believe you

I want you back like tomorrow's sunrise but if the day after today never comes then suffering  has no shelf life

because now lasts forever

the future is. here and you're not and darkness got inside of my skin but I didn't see it coming 

so I don't know where I'm going and I hear the whispers of he's got issues but I just miss you more than I have tissues 

Submerged in a homely stress of loneliness 

since the day you never said goodbye but left